Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
