They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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