i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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