We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
