What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Randomize
