I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
