Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
