I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
