So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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