So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
