What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
