we have pet lesbian snakes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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