There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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