I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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