He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
