About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
