oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
