He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
