My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
