i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
