i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
