I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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