You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
