just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
