I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
