yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
