Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
