He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize