I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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