You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
