The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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