She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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