He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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