Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
