This is not my ceiling
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
