I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
