would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
