Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
