dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
