last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Vodka?
Forever.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
