he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
