Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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