i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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