sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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