Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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