1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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