You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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