i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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