I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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