just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
