im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
