I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
