oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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