I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
