Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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