I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and she was petting her beer can
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
