Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
false alarm. still invincible.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
