I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
