Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
