I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
