I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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