So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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