Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
