Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
