Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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