Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
