My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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