Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
