Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
